


Stagith Shatith

by SIPcupPY



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Food, Harry Potter - Freeform, M/M, Nutrition, forest, not famished
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 13:06:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18447188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SIPcupPY/pseuds/SIPcupPY
Summary: The adventures in the large forest leaves Harry well fed. (SUMMER LOVE CRACK)





	1. Chapter 1

Harry lays in his bed completely awake. His thoughts take over. Maybe there’s some stag shat I can nibble upon in the forest tomorrow...

*next day*

Harry wanders aimlessly through the forest until his eyes catch a small brown item. 

‘Hmm, is that what I think it is..?’ He thinks to himself. As he walks closer a large grin grows on his youthful face. 

“It is” he smiles at the sight. 

He bends down and picks up the small piece of stag shat, bringing it up to his nose to get a waft of the delightful scent. 

“Hi padre” he whispers happily. 

Harry takes a small bite of the shat. The familiar taste erupts in his mouth. 

He spends a good amount of time in the luscious green forest, picking the freshest pieces of stag shat he could find. Harry only eats the finest of foods. 

After finishing his snack, he walks back to Malfoy’s mansion in a good mood.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bird

Harry walks into Malfoy's house with a large smile. 

"What are you smiling about, Potter?" Draco asks suspiciously from the other side of the room.

Harry laughs. "Nothing" he responds. 

Draco knows there's something on Harry's mind but he won't push it. 

He watched as Harry strode off into the other room. 

'I wonder what he's up to' Draco thought to himself.

*Later that day* 

Draco heard the back door open and close quietly and quickly ran to the window to see if it was Harry. 

He could see a small figure walking into the forest and decided to follow it. 

"Harry?" he called out when he reached the dark green forest. 

When he got no response he continued searching for his guest. 

"AaaaAaaaAAhhAaaaHa" he heard a voice singing. 

It sounded like snow white. 

He hid behind a large tree trunk to see Harry kneeling down on the forest floor. The singing was coming from him. 

'What the hell is going on??' he thought to himself, extremely confused. 

Suddenly about six birds flew down onto the hand Harry had held out. The birds started singing along with him. 

"Harry?" Draco decided to speak up. 

Harry turned around in shock and the birds flew away. 

"What are you doing here?" he asked annoyed. 

He started gather things from the place beside him as Draco explained himself. 

Harry began pelting Draco with hard pieces of Stag shat. 

"What the heck, Potter!? Stop that!!" Draco yelled. 

Harry threw about 50 Stag shats per second. 

Draco was left laying on the cold forest floor, bleeding out and in pain. 

The chosen one made his way back up to his room and slept soundly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> G@y


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> escaping death

Draco woke up the next day feeling cold and in a lot of pain.

He slowly opened his eyes to adjust to the light, realizing that he was still in the forest.

As he stood up he remembered everything that happened the day before. 

'Why was Harry throwing shat at me?' he thought to himself. 

His walk came with a slight limp, along with many bruises covering his whole body.

(IN THE MALFOY MANOR)

Harry woke up in his warm and comfortable bed from a well rested night.

Downstairs in the kitchen, he ate a filling breakfast with Narcissa. After, he enjoyed a relaxing bubble bath he made for himself. 

'I wonder where Draco is?' he thought curiously to himself. 

Then it hit him.  
He knocked Draco out and left him in the dark and dank forest. 

"Oh well" he accidentally said aloud with a shrug. 

Harry got dressed, brushed his teeth and made his way down the grand staircase. 

"Potter!" an angry voice stopped him dead in his tracks. 

Harry cautiously turned around to see Draco fuming. 

"I'm gonna kill you" he yelled and lunged at the Gryffindor. 

*All Star by Smash Mouth begins to play* 

Draco jumps on top of Harry, punching his face twenty times per second. 

Somehow Harry managed to shove Draco off of him and run towards the back door.

"You can't run from me!!" Draco laughed. 

Suddenly Draco pulled out a gun from his pocket and pointed it at Harry. 

"Bro..." Harry spoke as he raised a white flag. 

Draco didn't accept the peace offering. Instead, he pulled the trigger but missed.

'Dang' he cursed himself. 

Harry's eyes went wide and his face paler than before. 

"Bro..." he started to cry. His legs gave out and his body lay limp on the floor. 

It turns out Draco didn't miss after all. 

"I win!" Draco jumped with joy. The game was now over but he had to deal with the dying person across the room.

Draco walked over and kicked Harry's body.

"Draco, please help me" he breathed out helplessly. 

He tried to grab at Draco's shoes but he stepped back chuckling. 

*All Star by Smash Mouth stops playing*

"Okay fine" he sang. 

His beautiful voice lured in a fully grown stag.

The animal stepped over Harry and shat in his mouth.

"Padre" Harry smiled after swallowing the delicious nutritious meal. 

"Better?" Draco smiled warmly. 

Harry leaped up from where he was laying and kissed Draco passionately. 

Draco could taste the shat Harry had just eaten, however, he wasn't complaining.

"Yum" Draco said after pulling away to breathe. 

(TWO WEEKS LATER) 

Draco and Harry are happily married. 

Everyday the couple goes into the vast green forest behind the Malfoy Manor to feast upon the stag shat created by the gods.

"I love you" Draco and Harry say in unison. 

THE END <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading this story, there will not be another chapter. 
> 
> Ur gay

**Author's Note:**

> You are now gay


End file.
